Go After Her
by Sarah1281
Summary: He could almost hear the voice begging him to go after her. Belle was leaving and he didn't even know if she was right. Should he let her go or try to fight for her? The voice kept telling him he would regret it forever if he watched her go and suddenly he was on his feet.


_What are you doing? Go after her._

Ebenezer looked around. He had almost heard something, he was quite sure of that, but not quite. There were words. Words telling him clearly which decision he should make, even as he struggled with it himself.

He was running out of time.

Stay or go.

 _You young fool, go after her!_

It was as if the wind itself had taken an interest in his earthly affairs and hated to see such a brilliant match torn apart so heartlessly.

Stay or go?

He didn't know and wasn't that an answer in a way? Paralyzed by indecision and so remaining where he was. Staying because he didn't know if he should. There was a jape there. There had to be.

This whole thing was a jape of the cruelest kind.

Belle was right was the damnable thing. She was right about him. He had been chasing more and more desperately after wealth and he was getting it. And he didn't think anything was wrong with that. But she clearly did. Or at least she thought he was choosing it over her.

He thought back. He hadn't intended to but he had been staying away longer and longer, hadn't he? He always meant to come home for supper and to see Belle but then there was always more to do. Always one extra form to fill out or account to look over. One more step on the path to prosperity. And it _was_ paying off. He could see the path before him. He would be a rich man. Belle would be a rich woman, if she stayed.

But there was a cost. Belle thought he loved money more than her. Perhaps it wasn't a surprise. He certainly spent more time at work or thinking about money than he ever spent on her.

Would he go after her if they met now and she had no family, no connections, not even a dowry? How would he even meet her? He was long past apprenticeship balls. He never would have looked twice. That was the honest truth and they both knew it.

But did that really paint so black a picture of him? He would have been poorer, surely, without her in his life. He couldn't even imagine seeing her and not looking twice. And yet how would he have known about her kindness, her humor, her generosity of spirit? How smart she was and how patient, how supportive and how breathtakingly beautiful?

He was glad to have met her. He always would be. And he could be happy with her.

But would she be happy with him?

She released him even though he never asked for that.

Was she right? Were their paths diverging too much for there to be any hope of their being happy together?

He didn't know. She seemed so certain of everything. And she'd clearly given this a great deal more thought that he had.

Stay or go, stay or go.

If it was never going to work out in the long run, maybe it would be kinder to end this now and still allow them both to find someone that they would be more compatible with now that they had grown. Maybe she already had someone else in mind. Once they were married, nothing could tear them apart no matter how miserable they were.

 _Go after her! You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't! For the love of all that is good in this world, go after her!_

He was up and running almost before he was aware of it.

She turned back to look and he nearly crashed into her.

"Ebenezer?" she asked uncertainly.

She had turned back to look. She wanted him to come after her. She might have thought that this was for the best but it wasn't what she wanted.

That was all that he needed to know.

"Belle. Please. Don't do this."

"You're not the same man you were then," she said helplessly. "And I'm not the same woman."

"No one ever stays the same," Ebenezer told her. "Do you suppose the Fezziwigs, by far the happiest couple I've ever known, are the same today as they were when they were twenty and first married? Change doesn't have to be a bad thing."

"No, it doesn't," she conceded. "But you know me. I just want to be comfortable. I want to never need to worry about being turned out of my house or about not being able to provide for my children. I don't need to be a rich woman. I fear that you do need to be a rich man."

Ebenezer considered his words carefully. This was perhaps the most important conversation he would ever have in his entire life. "I do not know if 'need' is the right word but, yes, I do have every intention of becoming rich. Are you so against the idea of having wealth yourself, Belle? You may not desire it the way I do but is it so odious to you?"

"Not…I do not have any great hatred of money. If we had money it would make our lives easier in some ways, though harder in other ways. I only object to the single-minded devotion you have been showing of late. Nothing is ever enough for you and it is getting worse. And I do understand, that is the way of things. You must work hard to become successful and if you are not so fortunate as to inherit your wealth and position then you must work impossibly hard to achieve it."

 _Spirit? You said these were only the shadows of things that have been_. _Spirit-_

Ebenezer ignored the not-quite-voice. It didn't matter. "I must confess, the very notion of being poor terrifies me. You say when we met we were poor and content to be so but I do not know if that is true. Even now, you want basic security for yourself and your children. And I never wanted to feel like a failure and be unable to provide. Perhaps I've set my sights a little higher now, is all."

"And at what cost? Ebenezer, you may say you love me but it has been years since we met," Belle said. "Your love for me has just come along with you as you've fallen further and further in love with your money."

"I want to tell you that that's not true."

Belle smiled sadly. "But you can't."

"I can't lose you," he said. " _Please_."

"I was already halfway gone and you never even noticed," she said.

"Let this be a wake-up call then," Ebenezer said. "I was not as careful as I should have been, I didn't pay enough attention. I know you don't want this, Belle. You turned and looked back at me."

Belle was quiet for a long moment. "Perhaps I don't want this," she said finally. "But neither do I want to continue on as we have been. I will not bring children into this world to be forced to compete with coins for their father's affection. I know you never knew your mother and your father was a hard, distant man. With no better example, it will be hard for you to know how to be a good father. I will not have that added to with an overwhelming and always increasing love for things over people."

"I don't know what to say, Belle. I don't know what to do. My business is taking off. That is a good thing. But I'm losing you and that is the last thing I ever wanted."

"You say it's a wake-up call," Belle said. "And it might be. For a time, you might change. But change is difficult and a fear of losing me cannot sustain an alteration, particularly once we are married. I say 'I do' and you need never fear lose me again."

"I wouldn't do that."

Belle bowed her head. "You would not seek to. But change is difficult and it comes on slowly. It is hard to see the slippage. This change in you, this love of gold, came on so slowly I did not even realize it until one day it hit me all at once. I don't want to lose you, Ebenezer, but I'm terrified that I already have and neither of us wants to admit it."

"It can't be too late," Ebenezer said desperately. "It can't. We're both still standing here and neither one of us wants to walk away."

"I don't want to. But I don't know how else to fix this. You can't force yourself to love me the way you once did, the way you love your gold."

"Gold is…what is gold? Gold is a way of measuring worth, a way of staying alive. It cannot love you," Ebenezer said. "Belle, I…I was thinking about what you said. Would I still seek you out now?"

Belle said nothing.

"I fear I would not even see you. And that is the most terrible thing of all. I hadn't realized how distant I was becoming, how dangerously close I was to losing myself. Is that self-awareness enough? I fear I don't know how to do this. I fear if you were to leave me, and I know it is not fair to put this on you, but if you were to leave me what would I have left? Certainly not the strength to try again, to pull myself out of this. Help me, Belle. You were always the stronger of the two of us."

She was almost crying. "Ebenezer. I want to believe you."

"Just give me a chance," he begged. "Three months. See if you are convinced by then. If you don't believe that I have truly changed, if you believe that I am just trying to keep you but still value gold overmuch, then I will accept your decision. But…I hope that I will prove you wrong. I hope very much that I can remember what is truly important and pursue wealth without being consumed by the hunt."

"Love me," she said. "That's all I ask. Put your family before your business in your heart. That would be enough."

"I will," he vowed.

She nodded. "Three months. May my faith not be misplaced, Ebenezer."

He couldn't promise her that it wouldn't be. No one could see the future and he had not even recognized the truth of the situation as it stared him in the face.

But he had never considered he might lose Belle before, not since she had agreed to share her life with him. That was a shock he would not soon forget.

And he almost hadn't even gone after her.

She was beautiful and forgiving and kind and was going to give him another chance to prove that he could be the man he had promised her that he would be. And a far better father to their children than his own had been to him.

And he had almost just watched her walk away. It was clear how little she wanted to be leaving, clear how she felt it was the only realistic option, and he would have just given her what she didn't want. He would have proved her right by not even trying to argue, not even being willing to fight for her. What kind of husband would he be if he were not willing to even do that?

If it hadn't been for that voice that was not a voice…What was that even? What was it that had finally decided him and sent him to his feet to chase down the woman that he loved? Some sort of heavenly intervention?

It didn't matter.

It was there when he needed it most, when he was at his most stupid and stubborn and selfish, and that was all that counted.

He and Belle had entered the park alone but they were leaving together, hand-in-hand, and he had every intention of seeing that he was allowed to remain at her side.

What was all the gold in the world worth if it couldn't buy him this?

Just something to consider.


End file.
